5 years ago today, our dear neighbors from New Hampshire packed the four of us and 8 stuffed to the brim suitcases (plus carry ons) into their van and drove us to Boston's Logan airport for a tearful good bye, as we set off on a life changing adventure and moved to Germany.
Unlike most Americans we have met living over here, we were not military (with access to US based schools, English speaking doctors and commissaries full of familiar foods) or on an expat contract (with a 2, 3, or at most 5 year end date, at which point we'd know we were going "home," provided flights back to the states every year, a container of our things shipped over and tuition paid for the kids to attend an English speaking international school) or students (here for the shorter term, mostly young and either without children or with very young children).
We were 30 somethings on a German contract, with no paid trips home, no access to US brands, unless we could find them for sale in German stores, no end date, and (hardest by far) a need to place our children in local schools with a German speaking population in spite of having only had 8 frantic weeks to try to learn a bit of the language while packing up and selling most of our belongings. We had 16 suitcases of familiar belongings with us: mostly clothes, and things that would brings some sense of comfort and familiarity to the kids: dolls, legos, board games (they take up much less space if you leave the box behind), family photos (removed from frames, to fit, then cut down and reframed and placed on the wall here), as many books as Marika could fit in (this was before Kindle; possibly the greatest invention ever for book loving people living abroad!).
The first two weeks here were exhausting. The company had rented us a small furnished apartment for those two weeks so we could get our rented townhouse ready. As is typical here, the townhouse came with no installed lighting (just bare wires) and no kitchen (just a room with tile backsplash and hook ups). We had to buy and install counters and cabinets, sink, stove and fridge (MANY thanks to our friends Eva and Uwe who lived about an hour away and were able to find us a used kitchen on ebay and help us buy it, get it delivered and even helped us install it that first weekend--I don't think we would have made it through without them).
We averaged four trips to IKEA (30 minutes up the road) a day in that time (buying first lights and basic kitchen items, then beds, a table, etc), often eating a meal while there. Before the kitchen was in, I think we ate breakfast, lunch and dinner there a couple of times. In between times we would frantically assemble furniture, and rush to meetings with lawyers, city officials and Dave's boss and HR department to get our visas properly processed. We had not yet received a paycheck in Euros, and the exchange rate was heavily against us. The company did offer us a lump sum towards furniture, and it DID help (we could not have managed otherwise) but it did not cover all of even basic furnishings, especially with the need for a kitchen and lighting. So there was a constant stress deciding what was needed and what could wait and when it was worthwhile to splurge a bit to feel like "home" in addition to the stress of trying to figure out where to buy basics like fire alarms (not standard in German rentals) and tools, etc and the ever present struggle to be understood.
So here we are, 5 years later. I look around and wonder HOW we have managed to accumulate so much stuff again in only 5 years! We have the process for renewing our visas down to a science (though we have now been here long enough to apply for permanent residency, so that will be an entirely new adventure). Trips to the grocery store took hours at first (so many things are packaged very differently, or simply not available, etc) and were simply exhausting mentally. Now we think nothing of it and know our way around close to a dozen stores and which ones carry particular products we like, etc.
We've put in a lot of effort, and in the end have made a HOME here.
Well, most of us. Marika has put in the effort, but you know, moving to a new cultural, with a new language and a very different school system as a 12 year old girl is ROUGH. Germany remains a more temporary place for Marika (though she has now lived here longer than anywhere else); she is looking forward to moving back to the US for college in a year and a half (and I know she will do great, but I can't say the thought of leaving her on another continent doesn't weigh heavily on me!). She has had some rough times, but also some great ones and I think she got a lot out of this crazy adventure in the end. Honestly, had we been able to move when she was younger, or had she come here as an adult I think she would want to stay. Her personality is very German, but the timing was very wrong for her.
Rio? As Marika likes to say, three of us are Americans living in Germany and Rio is a German who happens to have an American passport. That is pretty accurate. He fits well here, and is in the best possible school for him (a semi private Waldorf school with its own working farm). He may go back to the states someday: if he wants to attend university he will almost have to, and he is eyeing IT fields lately, with his increasing obsession with all things electronic (the German school system makes it very hard for someone coming in as old as our kids were to graduate with what they need for university, and equally hard for someone with dyslexia, so he has a double whammy in that regard), but he also really loves it here. He is the one of us who fully grasps the language.
Dave and I? We really like it here. We might well stay in Germany the rest of our lives. We are nomads though. We have chased the career for as long as there has been a career and if we need to (once the kids graduate) we will keep chasing it. So, we will just have to see what pans out, but we would both be very, very happy if what plays out is a lifetime in Germany with stadtfests, 6 weeks of vacation a year, public transit, amazing healthcare, and incredible landscapes.
--Hadley
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