Two wildly differing views on kids heading out on their own

In light of the recent arrest and felony charges brought against a single mother for allowing her 9 year old to play in a local park while she worked in South Carolina, and now another arrest and felony charge, this time against a mother of a 7 year old for allowing the child to walk to the local playground, with his cell phone, today's post is rambling, and not about any fun wandering adventure (we haven't been anywhere this week--even in Heidelberg).  It is also a bit of soapbox jumping, so if you come here for the pretty pictures, you may just want to skip right on past this one and take heart in knowing there will be photos from the UK coming up in just over a week.

So, yes, in the last couple of weeks, two American parents have been arrested and charged with felonies for allowing their children to go out to parks without directly supervising them.

http://www.newsday.com/news/nation/debra-harrell-south-carolina-mom-arrested-after-leaving-daughter-to-play-alone-in-park-1.8915331

http://edition.cnn.com/2014/07/31/living/florida-mom-arrested-son-park/

 There was no law, in either case, specifying the minimum age for such activities.  Granted, I think 7 is on the young side and some kids are not ready even at 9 (or older) and it depends on the kids and the area if this was safe, and it does sound like (based on some reports, no real confirmation yet) the 7 year old child might have been misbehaving and should not have been out on his own; however I think jumping straight to arrest and felony charges for these things, instead of speaking to the parents, and in the case of the 9 year old, if indeed any intervention was warranted (I am not so sure there was, based on what is out in the media thus far) helping the mother find low cost child care (it appears there were no spots left in her area) is unwarranted and a terrifically bad example of how over-sheltered American kids have become, and how quick our society is to jump to dire conclusions about parents who do not share that view.

This has me thinking about some of the many examples of the difference in how independent children and teens are (and are allowed to be) in Germany versus in the US--so I thought I would share a few I have observed:

In Germany, school is not babysitting, in the US it essentially is.  Actually, my kids were never in "grundschule" (grades 1-4) here in Germany.  I do believe things are different with such young ages, though I am not sure.  From grade 5 and up though, school is mot certainly not childcare here.  In the US, if a teacher is sick there WILL be  a substitute.  If something comes up last minute and a qualified sub is not available, it might be as simple as another school employee putting on a movie or telling the kids to read quietly, and staying in the room (this is not common, most teachers have emergency lesson plans and most districts have enough subs).  I was really surprised the first time one of my kids came home early, having been told their last teacher of the day was ill and would not be there and being allowed to leave.  Yes, this was Rio in grade five.  In our over five years here the kids have only had substitutes a handful of times, and only when the regular teacher would be out long term (a week or more).

Sending kids home early, without calling parents is just normal at all three of the German schools my kids have attended.  This would never fly in the US--both because so many parents would not be comfortable with their kids being unsupervised without warning (and many kids, having never been prepared for this would not be comfortable with it either) and because there is not a public transportation infrastructure that would allow all the kids to get home on their own if they were out of school before the expected hour.

In Germany, schools expect students to convey information to parents, in the US the schools provide most of the information directly, expecting no more than carrying a note home from the students.  In the US, if my kids were leaving school property on a trip, even if the "trip" was walking half a block to a local sport field or park, they would bring a note home several days in advance, informing me about the trip (including where they were going, how they would get there, what cost was involved and what they needed to bring).  The note would include a permission slip which HAD to be returned, signed, or else the child would not be allowed to go with the class on the trip.

In Germany, if I learn of a day trip ahead of time, it's because my kid tells me about it.  Rio might tell me he needs to take money, or a swimsuit, or meet at the Mannheim train station at 9:00 instead of school at 8:00.  There is never a form to sign (I have only signed for class trips to Rome and to an Island in the North Sea--both 10 days long).  The schools seem to trust that the students can and will convey the information (and, it seems the kids live up to the expectation and generally manage to have what they need and be in the right place).  Furthermore, it is entirely common for the kids to be directly dismissed from the places the field trip ended, even if it is in another town 30 minutes away.  There seems to be an assumption that they will all mange to get home on their own just fine, and might want to hang out in the area a bit first.

It is totally normal to see young children out on their own and using public transportation on their own in Germany; much less so in the US.  In 2008, a mother in New York City felt compelled to write an opinion piece for the local paper after letting her then 9 year old son take the subway home all by himself.

  http://www.nysun.com/opinion/why-i-let-my-9-year-old-ride-subway-alone/73976/

The piece caused quite an uproar and started a movement by American parents who do want to foster such independence in their own children (the Free Range Child movement).

On the other hand, here in Germany I frequently see kids who look 9 or even as young as 6 or 7 out playing on their own as well as taking the trams and buses, etc.  No one seems to think anything of it.

 In fact, our first summer here, the kids spent two weeks at a language camp in Berlin.  The camp could escort them to the train station to ride home.  So, I went into our local train station to inquire about buying tickets for the then 10 and 12 year olds.  Did I need to buy them some sort of unaccompanied minor's ticket?  Pay an extra fee?   The worker looked at me like I had two heads and asked me why I thought my kids could not handle a train ride and why I thought the Duetsche Bahn employees should take care of them if they could not.

And on and on I could go.  One last example would be in the reactions Dave and I got almost two years ago when we took a cruise while the kids stayed home (with many adults they knew they could call on for help if needed).  For a week, every time it came up that our 13 and 15 year olds were home, if we were speaking with a German the reaction was along the lines of "that's so good for kids!"(often preceed e by a joke about the House Party probably going on) whereas all but one American expressed concern, many asking if it was legal to leave them.

To be fair, I probably would not have left them in the US.  In the US, they would not likely have had ready access to an extensive public transit system to get them anywhere they needed to be; they might not have been able to get a doctor to treat them without notarized notes from us; they would have been out of luck and had to miss any field trips which came up while we were away and unavailable to sign the permission slip, etc.


All in all,with the super independently minded kids I have (and Marika was just BORN this way--I swear!); I am so happy that I do live somewhere that I do not have to worry about being arrested for allowing them to take care of themselves once in a while.

--Hadley