Where are you from?

"Where are you from?"

If you have lived most of your life in one area, that seems like a simple question.

Heck, even if you have moved around a bunch within one country it is relatively simple.  When we lived in New Hampered and went on vacation and someone asked where we were from, we answered New Hampshire.  No one questioned that.  If we had said we were from Colorado or Detroit or any of the other places we have lived over the years, and then it came up that we actually resided in New Hampshire--people would have thought we were a bit "off" for saying we were from anywhere other than New Hampshire.

It gets much more complicated when you move to a new country.  With our first vacation to a resort (Walt Disney World) after moving to Germany we ran into this.
"Where are you from?"
"Germany"
"You don't SOUND German" often said very accusingly.

and it goes further

"Well, we're originally from the US, but we live in Germany now" (in fact, now whenever we are asked where we are from, that is the long winded answer we give--and it usually still leads to the exchange below)

"Where in the US"

"We've lived lots of places--5 states just since we were married"

"So, where are you FROM?"

sigh

What do people want?

Some seem to want where we spent the majority of our childhoods.  For Dave that is easy; he lived in Colorado from the time he was born until he was almost 23.
It is a little more complicated for me--though I still think of Colorado as my childhood home.  I lived (mostly) in Texas until I was 8, and spent many summer there even after that.
For our kids, assuming we do not move in the next 6 months (and there are NO plans of that sort), that would be Germany.  Let's go back to that whole, incredulous, "you don't sound German" thing.

Others have flat out said  (when asked, after they prod and prod) that you are "from" where you are "born."  Hmmm.  That makes me from a state that I only lived in for the first two months of my life and have no memory of.  It makes Marika from one she lives in for three months and also has no memory of.  Rio lived in his birth state a whopping 18 months.  He doesn't remember it either.  Somehow I simply cannot feel I am "from" somewhere I have no recollection of living in.  Funny how that works.

Still others want to define where you are from as where your parents live.  That would make me from Mexico--a country I have NEVER lived in.

I am not quite sure why it is so important for some people to pin down where we come from.  For many, myself included, it is basic small talk, something to associate people with, possibly find connections ("hey, I used to live in Detroit!  What area are you in?").  However, a surprisingly large number of people really seem unable to drop the idea and settle on a basic generalized answer and seem compelled to determine an exact "home" for me.  Why?  What does it really matter?  Does it change who I am?  Do you trust me more if  I am from your country/state and less if I am not?  Am I more likable is I am from your area or more interesting if I am not?

A lot of Americans seem to be almost offended that I say I am from Germany--as if in living here and claiming it as my home I am somehow turning my back on the USA and saying I dislike the country of my birth.  It would be like if I were at parent's night at Rio's school and someone asked me whose mother I was and I answered "Rio."  Rio is who I am there for at the moment--it doesn't mean I am denying Marika is also my child.

 I do admit that for ME, at this point in time anyway, Germany is a better fit.  I like living here.  I like the people. I like the health care and the public transit (since I dislike driving and always have). I struggle with the language.  I try.  And I am thrilled to say that on a cruise full of Germans, nearly all seemed genuinely delighted that we associate with Germany.  No one seemed offended that the Americans with the funny accents and poor grammar were claiming Heidelberg as home (and it IS home right now, as much as anything ever has been for my very mobile self).

But that does not mean I do not also love the USA.  I love how easy it is to make friends in the US, and the choices in education, and the regional foods we have (to name but a few).

 We live in a highly mobile and super connected world.  It is not an either or thing, choosing where to live or liking one place at any given point in your life.  One thing about me,  I nearly always find things to love about anywhere I have lived: from rural New Hampshire to Detroit to a ranch in Wyoming, and also Germany.  I have never been anywhere perfect, but I have also never been anywhere without a whole lot of good in it.
Right now, I am lucky enough to be in Germany.

Previously I was lucky enough to live in New Hampshire.  The place with gorgeous trees, tons of great outdoor activities, really nice people and the best community theatre group I have ever encountered.

I could go on and give you a list of great things about everywhere I have lived (and if I wanted to focus on the negative I could give you a list of issues everywhere too--yes, most certainly including Germany).

So, right now--I am from Germany, and happy to be so.  And I am originally from the US and happy to have grown up there.  And in a decade I might be from either of those places, or somewhere else entirely.  And I hope that as my own children, who really are split between cultures grow and go out into the world, they can be allowed to be from wherever they are at, or wherever they identify with, no matter what their accent.

--Hadley