Note: I am well aware that I need to post about Olden and Bergen, Norway and do plan to get those posts up soon--but in the meantime, I'd rather keep posting about life in general than just let the blog sit. I am going to indulge in a bit if self pity today, so feel free to skip over this post and wait for the pretty photos of Norway if you wish.
Here in Germany, classes for upper schools form in 5th grade, and then pretty much the same group of 30 or so kids is together as one class until graduation. In Waldorf school (which Rio attends) the same group is together from first grade on.
At both the regular school my kids attended, as well as both Waldorf schools, each class has an Elternabend (parent'S evening) about every 8 weeks. Rio'S class has one tonight, and I am sitting here dreading it.
It's on Elternabend nights that I really feel terrible for what we put the kids through when we moved here and through them into German speaking schools, with established classes.
In a classroom full of 40 or so other parents, all of whom know one another and have for many years, I feel very out of place. Germans tend to introduce themselves once, saying their name, with no precursor at all, and expecting you to hear it correctly and remember it forever. So, while in the US we would likely walk up to someone new and say "hi, I'm Rio's mom, Hadley" They walk up, stick out a hand while simultaneously saying "Hadley" That's it. JUST the name--and generally before I have even caught up to being IN a conversation with them to pay full attention.
Likewise, in the US, most especially with a an immigrant whose English was shaky, I'd probably reintroduce myself a few times, "Hey, we met at the last parent's night, I'm Hadley, Rio's mom" I have never yet had that happen here, and we HAVE had people be very offended that we do not recall their name after meeting them once, at a large party, 3 years prior (and yes, this has occurred and yes similar things have occurred on more than one occasion--Germans seem to be remarkably good at recalling names and faces and expect everyone else to be as well).
So, I go in feeling very much at a disadvantage already, simply because I do not know everyone and am afraid to admit I do not remember each and every one from the one time when I was new that we went around the circle and said our names. That alone sends my anxiety levels soaring.
Then you add in the German. My German is reasonably good. My grammar stinks, but I can generally follow and participate in a direct conversation. Sitting in a circle in a classroom, with a teacher speaking quickly, and three or four side conversations happening closer to me than the teacher I am supposed to hear, and often with unfamiliar vocabulary relating to whatever the class is studying recently thrown in, strains my skills to the limit. Throw in that there nearly always seems to be at least one critical piece of information not discussed because it is assumed everyone knows (because everyone who has been there since the kids were in first grade DOES know), and I am doing well if I leave feeling confident that I understood two thirds of important points. And I always leave absolutely exhausted from the effort.
If 2 hours, once every 8 weeks leaves me feeling overwhelmed and drained, how did my kids do this for 5 or hours a day, five days a week, for months as they earned the language and the system and integrated into such well established groups?
I am so impressed by them, and by the many other auslander kids all over Germany who do it. I am impressed by the many immigrant adults who do not have English as a mother tongue, by far the best fall back language to have, since so many other people can and will speak it with you and so much information is out there in English. I'm impressed by the immigrants to the US who manage this, especially those who encounter some of the less than supportive Americans out there who seem to think it is simple to pick up a second language in adulthood, if one only tries.
I don't really mean to complain much. There is really a lot more god than bad for us here, and Elternabends are not too frequent--but boy will I celebrate when Rio graduates and i never have to attend another again!
--Hadley
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